pummelgranite | [MoM][IC Contact]

[ She runs her fingers through Cassandra's hair, not saying anything. Inanna had been given back to her and then taken away again so many times now, she knew something about the Porters cruel jokes. ]

That's not fair.

[She takes a deep breath, just letting herself enjoy the contact.]

I'm... sorry, I shouldn't be...

[Shouldn't be what? Unloading her problems like this onto Laura? Allowing herself this kind of openness? Talking about Steph at all, after what happened? Focusing on the Steph problem when it was honestly among the least of what she'd suffered recently, at home? She doesn't know.]

Yeah, you should.

[ Her voice is quiet- almost a whisper, but there's a strange depth to it. It sounds like there's an understanding of her pain, far beyond what they've discussed in words. It sounds like she already knew. ]

What was she like?

Edited 2018-03-12 17:28 (UTC)

[She senses what Laura is doing, it pings her mind's defenses--a gift from the Porter, this time, instead of a trick-- but... she trusts that whatever she's doing is meant to help. She lets the whisper of godsong through, turning her face away from Laura's shoulder but not moving her head.

Cass has a feeling Laura has some more insight than she does into the sort of loss this was, but she doesn't know why. It's not like she's been looking at her for most of this conversation. The godsong definitely furthers that impression, but...even without that. Something about the way she's talking in general...]

She was... a scrapper. Um... brave, determined--kind. And...funny. We used to... play tag on the roofs, during patrol.

[ It's a subtle effect, most wouldn't consciously notice at all. Just a thread of comfort, belonging. Like some authority of sorrow gives its blessing to her tears. Like mourning Steph is exactly what she should be doing right now. It doesn't take away the pain, but does grant stability against it. ]

Kind. 's hard to come by, sometimes.

I thought--that knowing she was alive was... a good thing. That it'd hurt less. But...

[She doesn't know how to put this into words. The fact she still feels like part of her was ripped out by her loss, even knowing she's alive. even after the city she had been sent to protect had been destroyed, and her new friends there had all died. Even after the impact of dying herself, then killing her mother, however temporary that was--

It still feels wrong. Broken. Selfish. But not nearly to the level it had before. There's clarity to it now, a sense of... if not rightness, then of it being acceptable. A sense that the loss had gone from bad to worse, and without the first, she might have avoided the rest or weathered them better. So of course she has to come to peace with the fucked up Steph situation first, she thinks, gently guided by the hint of cthonic song.]

Maybe... The rest of it. Would be, um--easier, with her. [Meant as a way of trying to voice that thought.]

Probably.

[ It's a reasonable diagnosis. Finally having a friend was one of the only reasons she had survived Luci's death at all. She can hear in her voice how much Steph had meant to Cassandra- it was a bond perhaps even deeper than she and Inanna had made in those few months. ]

Probably . . .

... Thanks, Laura.

[It comes out softly, as she slowly opens her eyes again.]

Can you, um--keep doing... whatever this is? [She gestures, sort of.generally. in a swirling motion. She's trying to describe the gentle ripple from the twinge of performance Laura was giving.]

It's...helping, I think. But, um-- [And that takeout is still there and smelling fucking amazing and she knows it's good--she glances longingly to the chicken tikka. one hand goes to her comm, and she goes through her history on the network, before a post from about two years ago, while she was still gone, comes up. only found it by digging after Bruce told her what happened, half-remembrances of a world that would apparently be undone. she reaches out to the coffee table, propping up her comm against one of the unopened takeout cartons.

a video post and its replies start to play.]

Here.

Mm.

[ She watches Cassandra search, then begins watching. All the while, she keeps performing, as much as she can from this position. She holds her own heartbreak out of her mind, and lets Cassandra's flow through her. She lets herself pretend to believe that there's real comfort in the stroking of her fingers, and that Cassandra and everything she loves is safer for Persephone's presence. "No one gets a happy ending, but you can still help," she repeats like a mantra in her head. ]

You didn't mention how cute she is.

[Cassandra can see, feel that Laura is putting herself on hold a bit to help ease her back out of the spiral she had started to fall into, and she can't tell if that was genuinely beneficial to her or not. this is what she does--the gods are here to inspire, after all--but even if it was Persephone's power, she wasn't engaging with her as a god and a follower might. so much about this was coming from a place of more human connection, so she can't help a spark of guilt, like she's taking advantage in a way.

but maybe more importantly, when Laura says that, Cassandra's eyes widen slightly. she had, of course, realized that Laura liked girls just from how Laura tended to look at her half the time, but--no, no, that wasn't the issue.

something about the implication behind the statement, the way it's directed, gives her pause. as if it was addressing Cass's perceptions of Steph. she feels it it hitting at something she had thought in the back of her mind before, but never tried to process or find words for. sorry, Psephs, don't mind THE BATMAN just having a slight baby gay crisis in her own head for a second, looking... alternately alarmed and contemplative?]

I, um--yeah. I guess she... is. [Cass allows that, brows knitting somewhat, even as her mind is racing again. not in a pained or upset direction, necessarily, at least not more than she was before Laura said that.]

Edited 2018-03-15 11:29 (UTC)

[ Oh, she's seen enough Baby Gays in her time here to take a good guess at what's up, which mostly only serves to make the whole situation that much more heartbreaking. ]

I think it's the hair.

[ She stroookes her hair. ]

Fucked up that you missed each other.

[MoM][IC Contact]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject